


The one where Magnus hates Evanescence

by repochan



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Husbands, M/M, Malec Week, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-02 00:22:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19188160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/repochan/pseuds/repochan
Summary: And he did hear the song many times, and eventually it didn’t make him feel sad or moved in any way. It was just like any other song he had heard, nothing special. Until now.





	The one where Magnus hates Evanescence

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is one of my old Malec fics I wrote years ago, and I thought why not post it here. So English is not my native language, so forgive me if my grammar sucks :D And I am a die hard fan of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, so you can probably see where the style of the title comes from!!  
> And btw, this was written before the Shadowhunters TV show came out, so it is purely based on the books. And I DO NOT own any of the characters, they belong to Cassandra Clare
> 
> The song is My Immortal by Evanescence in case you didn't know. I hope I spelled the name of the band right :D

It’s not like Magnus hasn’t heard the song before, because he has. He remembers the first time he heard it, he remembers how it sent chills down his spine. And it made him think about Tessa, and the loss she had faced. And he did hear the song many times, and eventually it didn’t make him feel sad or moved in any way. It was just like any other song he had heard, nothing special. Until now.

Alec had gone to a hunt with his siblings and Magnus stayed up, partly because he had hell of a lot of work to do, and partly because he was worried sick every time Alec didn’t make it home before midnight. He did know where he had got himself into when he had proposed to Alec. He did understand what it was like when your husband was a shadowhunter. After all, he had gone through many sleepless nights when they were dating. It’s not that he didn’t believe Alec was a talented shadowhunter, he had seen how well Alec shot with his bow. Damn, the boy had saved his life more than once. It was Alec’s siblings that made him worry, and the insane need Alec had to protect them, even with the cost of his own life. And every time Alec went to a hunt Magnus was afraid that Jace or Isabelle would call and tell that something had gone horribly wrong, and that Alec was hurt. Or even worse, dead.

This night is no different. And on top of all, that stupid Evanescence’s song starts playing. He should turn the radio off, but somehow he just can’t.

_I'm so tired of being here_  
_Suppressed by all my childish fears_  
_And if you have to leave_  
_I wish that you would just leave_  
_'Cause your presence still lingers here_  
_And it won't leave me alone_

And as he closes his eyes and listens to the lyrics, he sees it. He sees himself without Alec. Every day, every week and every month, years and years knowing what it is like to love someone with your very being, and trying to realize that your beloved is gone. For good. He knows that he will never forget Alec, not even after the boy is gone. And maybe it will drive him insane. Maybe he starts to see Alec everywhere. But would that be so bad? At least he would get to see Alec, even though the boy was not real.

_These wounds won't seem to heal_  
_This pain is just too real_  
_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

And suddenly Magnus can’t escape the images. It all feels so real because Alec is gone, Alec is not home, Alec could be dying right now. Magnus tries to calm down. He stands up and goes to the kitchen. He needs tea or coffee. Maybe a soda? But he still hears the music, he still hears the lyrics so very clearly. And he feels like the song tells about him.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_  
_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_  
_And I held your hand through all of these years_  
_But you still have all of me_

He drinks tea, then coffee and soda. It doesn’t help, so he opens a bottle of whiskey. It doesn’t taste good but he drinks it anyway. And the song is still playing.

_You used to captivate me by your resonating light_  
_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_  
_Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams_  
_Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me_

Magnus sits down on the couch and closes his eyes. He wishes so badly that Alec would come home before the song ends. ‘Cause then the song will play in his head over and over again and he needs to see, to feel Alec, and only then can he breathe again.

_These wounds won't seem to heal_  
_This pain is just too real_  
_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_  
_But though you're still with me_  
_I've been alone all along_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_  
_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_  
_And I held your hand through all of these years_  
_But you still have all of me_

And finally it ends. Magnus snaps his fingers and the radio turns off. He feels hollow and kind of embarrassed. He is the High Warlock of Brooklyn, and one old song gets him so messed up. Sometimes Magnus can do nothing but wonder how on earth did he fall for the blue eyed boy so fast and so hard.

Magnus drinks a bit more of the bad tasting whiskey. The clock is already half past two. No one has called, and Magnus doesn’t know if that is a good or a bad thing. There’s nothing worth watching on TV, he is not going to open the radio again and sleeping is not an option. So Magnus just sits there and stares at the clock fully aware how pathetic he’s being. But he can’t help himself, not after hearing that song and realizing that it could be a story of him, if Alec won’t make it home. Chairman Meow sleeps next to him on the couch completely unaware of his owners suffering. The song plays non-stop in Magnus’ head. He remembers the lyrics, even though he never remembers the lyrics.

It’s a quarter past three when Magnus feels Alec’s present in the building. He holds his breath and doesn’t let it out until Alec opens the door and steps inside. Magnus can feel his mussels starting to relax, and doesn’t realize until now just how exhausted he is.  
“Magnus, are you still up?” Alec asks, surprised. Magnus just pats the couch inviting Alec to sit next to him. And then the shadowhunter is by his side and the song is gone.  
“You’ve been drinking?” Magnus doesn’t answer, instead he touches Alec’s hair. They’re dirty and sweaty, like Alec himself, but it doesn’t matter because his angel made it back home.  
“Welcome home”, Magnus whispers before their lips meet.

Alec keeps saying that Magnus should go to bed, but the warlock drags his husband to the bathroom and starts undressing him. There is no way Alec is coming to their bed in that condition, and there is no way Magnus is going to bed without Alec. So they take a long hot shower and Magnus uses this opportunity to make sure there are no injuries on Alec. He finds a couple of bruises, but nothing serious. Magnus looks at the runes and silvery scars on Alec’s skin. It’s the skin of a warrior. And while Magnus thinks the scars make Alec look beautiful and strong, a tiny part of him hates them because they will never have the time to fade. There will always be new scars. From runes of from cuts, from the battles Alec can’t escape.

“I heard this song today”, Magnus starts quietly. He doesn’t know if Alec is asleep or not, and part of him hopes that he is.  
“What kind of song?” Alec mumbles. Magnus needs a second to think of what to say.  
“It was a song that told about a person who has lost the most important person in the world.” Alec doesn’t say anything, the boy just turns to face him.  
“And it made me think about you, and the fact that one day you’ll be gone and I will be left alone.” Alec reaches to touch his face.  
“It won’t happen in a long time Magnus. You shouldn’t be worrying about it.” Magnus feels the cool metal of Alec’s wedding ring against his temple.  
“There isn’t going to be anyone after you.” That’s true. How could he ever love anyone else when he loves Alec? How could he ever kiss anyone else? And how could he let anyone else touch him when he knows exactly how good it feels to be touched by Alec?  
“When… When I’m gone, will you promise that you will try to get over me? I don’t want you to be alone and miserable for the rest of your days.” Magnus knows how much Alec hates to talk about this. About the fact how Alec is mortal and he is not. Magnus knows how jealous Alec can get and therefore he knows how hard it was for the boy to say those words. But he can’t promise. So he buries his face on the crook of Alec’s neck and breathes in the faint scent of sandalwood.  
“Let’s not talk about that anymore. The song was crappy anyway.”

He can never listen to that song in a same way anymore. Sometimes when Alec goes on a hunt, he will remember the song and he will feel anxious and uncomfortable. But then Alec will come home and everything will get better. Because Alec is wearing a ring and so is Magnus, and the warlock welcomes the shadowhunter home with a kiss, and he does this every single time. And that tiny little kiss speaks of forever.


End file.
